My epic summer of cycling - by Nicky St.Clair
As I start to reminisce and write my story, it is raining torrentially on a Sunday morning in Melbourne. I’m sitting in a new cosy café called Velo Espresso and to my disbelief there is a bunch of cyclists sitting in their drenched lycra, cupping their hands around their warm coffee mugs. Relief is an understatement of how I feel to not to be one of them, as I sit here all cosy and warm in my puffer jacket and my car parked out front.
My time on The Hurt Box (THB) program has come to an end with the summer criterium season finishing at the end of March. After 11 years of training and racing with THB, I now choose to jump on the programme during the summer season and step off the programme for winter where I hit the gym and get super buff and ripped!!
This last summer season on programme was a little different to the rest and the best way to sum it up is ~EPIC~.
In July 2022, I surprisingly found out that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, it was not my time to become a mum and my baby was not ready for this world. Six weeks later I had a miscarriage and was left to pick up the devastating pieces of my life. During September and October, I started to find my feet again and my feet found the pedals of my bike as I slowly allowed my mind and body to heal and begin my athletic life again.
Unfortunately, grief has its own timeline and journey and whilst I thought I was back on track rebuilding and feeling good, I suffered devastatingly delayed grief throughout November. It didn’t matter how good the riding was, the people or the sunrises were, I felt no joy. I felt nothing. I was numb.
One of the most beautiful aspects of the THB group is that it’s like one big family, and I’ll never forget one member saying ‘THB can sometimes be a life raft in rough seas.’ This has been the case for me over my many life changing moments but never had I needed the THB life raft more so than this time.
Coach Steggles kept a manageable but loose program for me, which gave me the structure and focus we often need during challenging times. I am also grateful to a few THBers who pushed through my numb barriers to entice me on rides that kept me afloat over the heavy waves. Bit by bit, pedal stroke by pedal stroke, ride by ride, I started to find some consistency, conditioning, and most importantly I started to smile again.
Having a goal is generally ideal when on the programme as it keeps the motivation and momentum strong. However, in my later years, I have often have just ‘trained for life’ (aka striving for a good overall level of fitness, a criterium here and there and maybe a bigger race if I felt like it). So, when Coach Steggs said this time round, ‘what’s the goal Nicky?’, I decided a goal might just be what I needed to feel that sense of achievement again.
Early in 2022, I DNF’d a road race at Hanging Rock as a result of what I believed to be long covid symptoms. I was bitterly disappointed in my failings and I hung the bike up straight after.
*Goal 1: Finish the Hanging Rock classic road race in 2023.
I have also been racing criteriums with Southern Masters at Sandown in Men’s C grade for about 8-9 years. Like a fine wine swirling around my mouth, I had been considering for a few years now what it would look and feel like to move up and race Men’s B grade. So, with a few cheeky comments here and there, a team mate protecting me and my only slight competitive nature……
*Goal 2: Race B grade men before the end of the 2022/ 23 criterium season.
As my epic summer of cycling progressed, I continued to be well supported, challenged, hit PB’s and eventually I managed to re-wire my mind and self-limiting beliefs. I was always a rider who never enjoyed climbing hills, didn’t ride more than 3-4 hours or anything over 100km. This epic summer had me rolling somewhat gracefully and enjoyably throughout the hills, 100km rides became the norm (in fact 120km was the new standard), I conquered some epic 6-hour 150km plus rides, and I rediscovered my childlike sense of adventure.
I raced and finished the Hanging Rock classic, and I consistently finished with the Men’s B grade bunch sprint at Sandown. Whilst these were both mentally and physically challenging, it was not the unachievable mountains I had created in my head as we all often do. I had stepped up in to another level of cycling fitness I never knew I was capable of, and I was continually in awe and disbelief at what I was achieving but most of all thoroughly enjoying!
I will be forever grateful for what Coach Steggles has grown within the THB family, and to those special few that pieced me back together and helped me to find the love of riding my bike again.
With a warm smile and a tear in my eye, I finish writing my story with these song lyrics that I feel encapsulates my journey and might even resonate for some of you on the path to healing and growth;
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end, it’s right
I hope you had the time of your life……….
<Good Riddance/ Time of your life’ by Green Day>